Monday, January 02, 2006
heyhey everybody!! happyyyyy new year! (:
sigh, this is chell. and i'm really feeling super emotional tonight. today is 2nd Jan. 1 year ago, we were training on this day at kallang still. then, it felt like there was no real transition into the new year - all we did was train train train into the new year.
i still remember how worried we all were because we all felt like we weren't yet fit to be seniors. we always had a chronic problem - we talked too much. and we were hoping to remain stern in front of the jrs.. haha.. guess we really failed. remember how we decided that the jrs aren't that scared of haoxia the way we were in the past only because we joked so much with him?
I really really miss training now. today, going down to see the jrs train with lyanna, jiayan, xinrong n irene really made me feel so nostalgic. we kept thinking back on how fit we used to be and all the stuff that haoxia used to make us do - crazy gymtests, suckycircuits, sloperuns, carparkrounds, 4.8s, pullups, 3.2s, pyramids, 626;624;524, and of course our crazy 3-2-1 t1 sets!... alamak the list went on!
sigh. but listening to my hcanoeplaylist now.. I am reminded of all the times we worked so hard towards each competition. i still remember shoe telling me very clearly, "at every point during the season, one of your teammates will feel very down for some reason. don't ever give up on each other."
for some reason, I got reminded of that today. I looked at the juniors and knew in my heart that 2006 is going to be an eventful year for them as was 2005 to us. each team is so different but the feelings that we all go thru - the experience, the emotions, the respect for haoxia and junjie, the love for each other - it's all the same.
the private jokes, the stupid things we say - today i read the FHM (for haoxia magazine) aka reflections in haoxia's car again. all the photos and quotes and reflections. :) so niceee lah. sigh. th experience was so unique yet reading shin's letter to us again. the same things were said and echoed year and again...
focus on yourself. do not think about the rest. it's yourself that matters. don't compare yourself with others. just think about what u can control.
these things, I remember echoing time and again in my own private diary during the season. i thought about the team, about my own performances, about each competition, about nationals, about haoxia n jj. i'll always remember jj saying that it's never so much about winning.. "aiyah one day you'll know lah"
haha.. yep. we all carried forward little regrets here and there from nationals but if you ask me, years down the road, as of now, i'll thank god more for this experience than anything else. the way i've been so motivated by the sport, so inspired by the people and so loved by my teammates.
"being in hcanoe means you'll always be loved." you know? just now i went to sift thru all the pre-comp letters. and i saw yanneng's letter. :) "if all else fails, I'll be there" and it was a photo of me n fang supporting yanneng on the pullup bar. i really wanted to cry because i miss them so much. and it really showed me how my teammates wud never ever give up on me.
recently, as most of u already know.. some stuff happened n i havent been too happy but it was you guys who kept reminding me that i was worthy of so much more. i know some might feel more alienated than the others but you know something gals? i just told jiayan that i always feel like pungseh-ing everyone else for you guys even if it means that you guys asked last. (though i dont do it because it's not right but my heart is always with u all)
yep, that's how much u guys mean to me. having seafood at good ol' kallang on new year's eve was one of the best things that happened. im glad i met my other friends later but to a certain extent it wud have been very lovely if we counted down there too.
you know everytime we part, i just keep thinking of the next time i'll meet u guys again. and sure enough we do. we're all gonna get busy soon enough with work etc but i still hope very much to see you guys more.
haha i can't believe im saying this but nadia, i really miss yoU! =p
haha. sigh. another thought came to me today too. we were talking abt how we used to be in the past. like how haoxia wud always discount that half-a-pushup if we didnt go down all the way, how he was always very serious abt us being serious abt trng, about how we shud always take care of our diet etc, how we shud do our own self-motivated trngs n stuff. and it occurred to me that we all really settled down after the december holidays.
we started training alot harder, getting things in sync n stuff. but nevertheless, we were still pretty all over the place until pretty much May came along and the [incidentthatmadeustalk_andafewcry] happened. I still keep that email today. and behind that email hides many small little regrets of my own but like beek likes to say, it's over already.. why think so much.
and yeah, im glad things really picked up after that. silent trng on monday morning track. long hard hopeful realistic yet bittersweet talk on top of chinese.high.gym. then, actions only; no more words. "from now on, let my paddle do the talking"
i still remember that day. one full circle. one team. talking it out. arguing. fighting. more tears. more agreements. junjie the motherhen. (: - no more words.
sigh. till this day, i still thank god we managed to win haoxia back. you guys know? I like to think that haoxia stayed because of us but i think he stayed initially mostly cuz he just wasnt the type to quit but honestly, i think in the end, we really managed to win him back. maybe one day he'll tell us why but as jiayan said, what's most impt is that he is attached to us now and much as he likes to deny it, he loves us! :)
another mindblowing incident was probably xr/ty's dq. alot of painful wounds there n im not sure if till this day, those wounds are still raw. but i think like the may incident, this was our biggest battle during the season. it wasn't nationals per se but how we fought this that mattered most. xr/ty's strength really inspired the whole team.
"we might be hurtin' but we aint dead." - remember.the.titans. that day, i still remember was filled with so much tears, so much pain, so much fear, so much hurt, so much strength, so much courage, and most importantly, so much love. we all stood in a circle and collapsed. our faces crumpled, we all cried. for the first time, together. I can't decide which was more monumental - that we collapsed or that we did it together.
"we will stand up again. not because we can't afford not to, but because we will." - fang. and stood up, we did. I remember walking in macr on the finals day, wearing my hcanoe jacket and carrying my paddle. it was literally like wearing the pride of hcanoe on my back - challenging the world to break us again.
I think we all really came a very long way. from the nuah-shits that we were. we practically became super-fit superwomen. :) the runs were crazy. but we always held on. the race sets, the crazy waves, sets, stupid directions (t1s!! we rock at sweeping!) the pullups and blisters. hell i would do it all over again. i loved the focus we had eventually. we were still noisy like crazy (even, embarrassingly at the cool-down) but during circuits, water, land and all trngs - i look back n i reallyyy appreciate the focus and effort everyone put in.
hcanoe was first on everyone's list - how we'd put everything off for hcanoe first. we'll cancel or postpone all other events, esp CS and workshops etc for training. injuries and falling sick were the worst part of the season. i remember how miserable people were when they had to go home n rest. haha, pple, still remember the trngs when we overslept n missed? we ended up doing more stuff at home to compensate for lost time. haha it happened to me once n i punished myself to swimming 60+ laps that day. haha..
n the basketball match! the silly sots went to do more than usual pushups because they didnt finish their pullups and were too scared to tell xr/nadia/haoxia n the next day they were alll aching in silence on water. =) haha.. we were really very silly.
we played ourselves silly too. all the fun things. like chalet, maf, orientation, countdown, dinners, airport, thaiexpress, kallang, mac, prom, eating, talking, paddling, training, pushing, n more recently, clubbing - all the many many photos... so many memories..
sigh, we really did alot of other dumbass things but that was the best part because everytime was funtimes. honestly, hcanoe was the best part of Hwachong and my teammates+haoxia+junjie were the best part of Hcanoe. =)
heya girls, i'll see most of u again on friday's campfire.. but let's go tea-sipping at age 68 yeah? :) 50 years from now! haha, here's to one more year of love and friendship and to the many many more that will come, cheers!
once more with feeling...
+++
Ain't No Mountain High Enough - Marvin Gaye
Listen, baby
Ain't no mountain high
Ain't no valley low
Ain't no river wide enough, baby
If you need me, call me
No matter where you are
No matter how far oooooohhh,
Dont worry baby
Just call out my name
I'll be there in a hurry
You don't have to worry
Because baby,
There aint no mountain high enough
aint no valley low enough
aint no river wide enough
To keep me from getting to you, babe
Remember the day
I set you free
I told you you could always count on me
From that day on I made a vow
I'll be there when you want me
Some way, some how
'Cause baby,
There ain't no mountain high enough
Ain't no valley low enough
Ain't no river wide enough
To keep me from getting to you, babe
No wind, no rain
Or winters cold
Can't stop me baby (no no baby)
Cause you are my goal
If your ever in trouble
I'll be there on the double
Just send for me oh baby
My love is alive
Way down in my heart
Although we are miles apart
If you ever need a helping hand
I'll be there on the double
As fast as I can
Don't you know that
There ain't no mountain high enough
Ain't no valley low enough
Ain't no river wide enough
To keep me from getting to you babe
Don't you know that
There ain't no mountain high enough
Ain't no valley low enough
Ain't no river wide enough
Chellie fought the waves at 10:08 PM
